September 27, 2010

Prohibited items at the Delhi games've seen the list of prohibited items at this years Commonwealth Games?

Some highlights:

  • Chair(s)/ tool(s) - So I need to stand upright for the entire duration of the event?
  • Firearms - There goes my assassination idea.
  • Eatables (except baby food) - Eatables? What the hell are eatables? Are we not allowed to EAT?
  • Dangerous goods - Damn, and I packed some TNT, a pot of nuclear waste and a lighter in my manbag.
  • Fireworks/crackers - But it's my religion. Well, no its not.
  • Flares/distress signals - Go get me a drink. I'll be in row 1766, seat 362C. Just look for the flare. Oh what? No flares?!!!
  • Glass containers - Nobody is allowed to avoid using Delhi toilets people. You know you're looking forward to THAT!
  • Backpacks - So I can leave this (with all my prohibited items) with this young boy who will "keep it safe"? Sure, here you go.
  • Laser lights/pointers/flash lights - Mistaking them for pyrotechnics, the Delhi Energy Company will think the organisers have paid the electric bill, and issue another invoice.
  • Musical instruments - because celebrating and singing along with friends is seen as 'suspicious activity'. Riiiight.
  • Roller blades - Now that just crosses the line. I paid for international flights to get here, only to find I can't rollerblade? 
  • Skateboards - Because India really is the skateboarding capital of the world. WTF!
  • Radio frequency devices - y'know, the button you push to lock your car? That is a RF device. Not allowed people.
  • Coins (all kinds) - Coins. Seriously? Do you not have money here?
  • Smoke canisters - might blow in front of the cameras that broadcast to the millions of people watching around.... Delhi.
  • Darts - yeah, darts are just weird. Don't bring darts okay?
  •  Match boxes/lighters - So you're saying I can't burn my shoes for fun when I'm bored?
  •  Cigarettes/bidis - The air is still polluted up the hilt, yet it's a smokefree environment.
  •  Chewing tobacco/Gutka - Not only can't you light it, you can't even chew it. But this is gum! Honest!
  •  Umbrellas - Well, your stadium better have a roof - WITH NO HOLES!
  •  Handicams - Yep, because privacy in India is such a big swingvote.
  •  Laptops - Yes, or any technology made after 1981.
  •  Perfume - We'd prefer you to immerse yourself into local culture, and part of that is smelling like one.
  •  Packets/parcels/torn-up papers - Rubbish must be left on the ground without any tears, wrinkles or ripped edges. Just dump it anywhere.
  •  Radio - It's all in Indian, and distorted beyond recognition. What's to listen to anyway?
  •  Promotional products - Only the Indian Government will be the ones flogging off "I went to Delhi and all I got was this t-shirt" t-shirts, thank you very much. Come again.
  • Animals - So you're saying my pet Llama can't enjoy your wonderful country? Oh, you've got too many animals as it is? Well, yes, there goes a moped with a cow strapped to some guys helmet. I get your point. Fair cop.
  • Flags and/with poles - India doesn't understand that you want to support your country, and your team by waving your national flag, at an international event. In fact, India has no idea what actually happens at the Commonwealth Games.
  •  Bike helmets - Does this mean I can ride my Ducati around india with the cool breeze in my hair? SWEET

September 14, 2010

Sticky Radio

There are some great things about morning radio. The continuous fresh approach (and longevity) of the hosts is a factor, the music as the 'good glue' in between the personality also counts for a lot.

Now, I'm racking my brain but I can't give an example, so I'm left to say that brekky hosts who have witnessed sunrises in front of a mic for at least 5 years, have this amazing ability to keep you listening - even though you've parked the car and really need to get to a meeting, with a wee detour beforehand, but you just HAVE to stay to finish listening to a piece on the radio. They create STICKY RADIO.

The stupidest ideas are often the best, and they regularly do what every good host can do - bring people in from the woodwork. When the phones light up with 'new' listeners (in talk radio land: the first time caller, long time listener), you know your segment/feature/bit is a winner.

So, from your experience - what silly feature actually isn't that silly at all? What's the key to Sticky Radio?
Perhaps you can answer that, or perhaps you can hit me some example you remember from days gone by that you really liked, or ones that are addictive today.

Many Aucklanders will remember Brent & Lance on 91.8 More FM - their "Afternoon Breakfast" was full of 'em, and those features we're great. Many ran for years before eventual retirement (like "We've Heard Them All"), some are recycled in other forms, and others are left as fun (and fast becoming) distant memories.

If you're on Twitter, let's have some fun. Let's use this hashtag: #stickyradio for suggestions, and I will follow it and update this blog post with the findings (and credit you!).

Some examples:
  • "Loogle" - Lance Dunne's version of Google (ask Lance, instead of Google) #stickyradio
  • "Uncle Sam" - Sela Alo's FOS* "Uncle" who has (not so) wise commentaries and advice for Niu FM listeners #stickyradio
  • "Let's Go There" - Hauraki's (former) Morning Pirates would expose the ridiculous, and proceed to 'go there' by re-enacting the moment in question, cued by harp sfx #stickyradio
If you're not on Twitter, just comment below to add yours.

You get the idea. Let's hear yours. Let's do this!

#Stickyradio on Twitter:

September 13, 2010

Secret to a great coffee

Many years ago, I wrote and recorded a song about people who park their cars on the grass. It was inspired by seeing great lawns turned to mud cos inept guests couldn't stay on the driveway. Who do they think they are parking on someone elses lawn?


Of late I've been noticing something missing from my coffee. By 'missing', I really mean it is actually there, but it shouldn't be there although many of us coffee drinkers want it there!

I'm talking about sugar. It's the puree, the pulp in many ways and if you're like me, you've had a coffee with perhaps 1 or 2 sugars, only to find the sugar all goopy at the bottom of the cup. It dilates your pupils - and it's too late, you've swallowed.

So, I've set the bar for every barista I come in contact with. I'm not trying to be rude, but should you ask if I want sugar, then I assume you're going to add it to the cup (rather than me at the self service desk). To which I will reply the following phrase that will separate the master barista from the clock-in:

Only if you'll stir it in.

Then you can pour the milk over the chocolate - hey, draw a leaf if you care to. Seems a bit cheeky, but come on. This is where the art is, but it won't earn you a returning customer if the sugar ain't stirred. Same goes for Tea.

Next coffee your order, ask the same. See what kind of response you get.