Secret to a great coffee

Many years ago, I wrote and recorded a song about people who park their cars on the grass. It was inspired by seeing great lawns turned to mud cos inept guests couldn't stay on the driveway. Who do they think they are parking on someone elses lawn?

Anyway.

Of late I've been noticing something missing from my coffee. By 'missing', I really mean it is actually there, but it shouldn't be there although many of us coffee drinkers want it there!

I'm talking about sugar. It's the puree, the pulp in many ways and if you're like me, you've had a coffee with perhaps 1 or 2 sugars, only to find the sugar all goopy at the bottom of the cup. It dilates your pupils - and it's too late, you've swallowed.

So, I've set the bar for every barista I come in contact with. I'm not trying to be rude, but should you ask if I want sugar, then I assume you're going to add it to the cup (rather than me at the self service desk). To which I will reply the following phrase that will separate the master barista from the clock-in:

Only if you'll stir it in.

Then you can pour the milk over the chocolate - hey, draw a leaf if you care to. Seems a bit cheeky, but come on. This is where the art is, but it won't earn you a returning customer if the sugar ain't stirred. Same goes for Tea.

Next coffee your order, ask the same. See what kind of response you get.