September 27, 2010

Prohibited items at the Delhi games've seen the list of prohibited items at this years Commonwealth Games?

Some highlights:

  • Chair(s)/ tool(s) - So I need to stand upright for the entire duration of the event?
  • Firearms - There goes my assassination idea.
  • Eatables (except baby food) - Eatables? What the hell are eatables? Are we not allowed to EAT?
  • Dangerous goods - Damn, and I packed some TNT, a pot of nuclear waste and a lighter in my manbag.
  • Fireworks/crackers - But it's my religion. Well, no its not.
  • Flares/distress signals - Go get me a drink. I'll be in row 1766, seat 362C. Just look for the flare. Oh what? No flares?!!!
  • Glass containers - Nobody is allowed to avoid using Delhi toilets people. You know you're looking forward to THAT!
  • Backpacks - So I can leave this (with all my prohibited items) with this young boy who will "keep it safe"? Sure, here you go.
  • Laser lights/pointers/flash lights - Mistaking them for pyrotechnics, the Delhi Energy Company will think the organisers have paid the electric bill, and issue another invoice.
  • Musical instruments - because celebrating and singing along with friends is seen as 'suspicious activity'. Riiiight.
  • Roller blades - Now that just crosses the line. I paid for international flights to get here, only to find I can't rollerblade? 
  • Skateboards - Because India really is the skateboarding capital of the world. WTF!
  • Radio frequency devices - y'know, the button you push to lock your car? That is a RF device. Not allowed people.
  • Coins (all kinds) - Coins. Seriously? Do you not have money here?
  • Smoke canisters - might blow in front of the cameras that broadcast to the millions of people watching around.... Delhi.
  • Darts - yeah, darts are just weird. Don't bring darts okay?
  •  Match boxes/lighters - So you're saying I can't burn my shoes for fun when I'm bored?
  •  Cigarettes/bidis - The air is still polluted up the hilt, yet it's a smokefree environment.
  •  Chewing tobacco/Gutka - Not only can't you light it, you can't even chew it. But this is gum! Honest!
  •  Umbrellas - Well, your stadium better have a roof - WITH NO HOLES!
  •  Handicams - Yep, because privacy in India is such a big swingvote.
  •  Laptops - Yes, or any technology made after 1981.
  •  Perfume - We'd prefer you to immerse yourself into local culture, and part of that is smelling like one.
  •  Packets/parcels/torn-up papers - Rubbish must be left on the ground without any tears, wrinkles or ripped edges. Just dump it anywhere.
  •  Radio - It's all in Indian, and distorted beyond recognition. What's to listen to anyway?
  •  Promotional products - Only the Indian Government will be the ones flogging off "I went to Delhi and all I got was this t-shirt" t-shirts, thank you very much. Come again.
  • Animals - So you're saying my pet Llama can't enjoy your wonderful country? Oh, you've got too many animals as it is? Well, yes, there goes a moped with a cow strapped to some guys helmet. I get your point. Fair cop.
  • Flags and/with poles - India doesn't understand that you want to support your country, and your team by waving your national flag, at an international event. In fact, India has no idea what actually happens at the Commonwealth Games.
  •  Bike helmets - Does this mean I can ride my Ducati around india with the cool breeze in my hair? SWEET

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