Spotted these in a Radio Ink newsletter today:
"Her glasses are so thick, when see looks at a map she can see people waving."
"He stands out more than poop in a punchbowl."
"He is so crooked, when he dies they'll have to screw him in the ground."
"That's like trying to poke a cat out from under the porch with a rope."
"He's as lost as a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat."
"She's as anxious as a one-eyed cat watchin' two rat holes."
"We grew up so poor, we went to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers."