You whores

I'm impressed by Bill Drummond's (KLF) new website. He will make a rare appearance at the Clerkenwell Literary Festival in London which is on now till the 14th, when he will talk about it. This is nice arty event for writers, scientists and pop-stars alike who want to share their form with their likeminded peers.

This year’s theme is travel and our writers will take you to outer space and back in time to Clerkenwell’s radical past. We’ve got rocket scientists, supermodels, pop stars, drummers, kids’ events, London’s best writers and the cream of Britain’s young poets."

Bill's new website is like e-bay, but you instead 'whore' yourself for any service you specify. Yes, it does sound like a radio station promo a few moons back.

Here are some 'whores' (nb. content might offend.)

• "For £50 GBP my door supervisors will take you around the back of our nightclub and beat you unconcious like in the movies. We will film it on CCTV and will send you one copy on VHS or DVD."

• "I had a double decker as a treat for lunch, but got half way through it and felt a bit sick. There's still both the nougatine layer and the biscuit base left. I've not eaten all the nougatine and left the base, like some people do. A couple of the rice crispies are a bit soggy, but I've just had a clean bill of health from the doctors so you needn't worry about that. It cost me 38p from the vending machine at work. You can have it for 10p."

• "I AM DR. ALBERT FREDTHE CHIEF ACCOUNTING OFFICER OF A BANK. THE FINANCIAL STATEMENT OF OUR BANK IS OVER US$130,000,000.00 .... AND I NEED A RELIABLE FOREIGN PARTNER THAT WILL ASSIST ME TO TRANSFER THE 15M FUND INTO HIS BANK ACCOUNT"

and my favourite 'whore':

• "For the bargain sum of 99p, I am willing to come around to your home and arrange your CD collection into alphabetical order, chronological order, in fact any order which rocks your boat. However, should I come across any copies of anything by Las Ketchup or the Cheeky Girls, our contract will become null and void and a compensation fee of £25,000 will be be charged for the emotional and physical distress and trauma inflicted. The number of cups of hot chocolate and pink wafers that will be expected to be supplied will be directly proportional to the number of CDs in your collection and how long it takes to arrange them. Cash only."

I look forward to a hearty offer of 'whorism' by Jarra @ UPFM sometime soon ;)

If I manage to get an expat radio DJ buddy of mine to go to the Clerkenwell Literary Festival and capture his thoughts on it, I will post it here for yiz.